funny things judges have said

It has been ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting. Judge Sheehan noted that the news made him “happier than a tick on a fat dog because [the Court] is otherwise busier than a one-legged cat in a sandbox and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off a twelve-foot stepladder into a five-gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than … LAWYER: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? ATTORNEY: You forget? LAWYER: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 1 / 4. WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. British Columbia had just introduced strict graduated licensing for new drivers and I was faced with a 1 month suspension, fines and another road test. Doctors warn to drop this activity immediately. LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? That question should be taken out and shot. LAWYER: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? Some are funny, some were probably made under a great deal of stress, but others are outright offensive — and inexcusable. If two people died and one is still alive … well, you do the math, There's a lot of lumber, not lumbar, in the woods, Why you should never do an autopsy on the living, Dead people tend to know more or less immediately that they're dead. What school did you go to? LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot … Posted in Lawyer Jokes. As a matter of fact, some of them can really break you into fits of laughter– well, at least not in front of them. See more ideas about judge judy, judge judy quotes, judy. The best one liners are those that are instinctively made up on the spot, but it surely won't hurt to skim through a few others. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. WITNESS: Thank you. NurseLife; 20 Funny Things Patients Have Ever Said To Nurses. And for some more fascinating criminality, bone up on America's 30 Most Fascinating Unsolved Mysteries. WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. “I wasn’t talking to you” the judge replied. Please SHARE this with your friends and family. Daschel Hammet would have been proud. Just as judges have enormous stake in the appointment of judicial officers in the higher judiciary, the government has an equal stake. Bradshaw v. Unity Marine (S.D. Whether you're in the jury or on the witness stand or on trial yourself, it's a tense and nail-biting environment. The responses were pretty darn funny! WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male. Because most trials have stenographers recording everything being said; they write down the good and the bad, and occasionally the ridiculous. As anesthesia wears off, patients might not be thinking as clearly. LAWYER: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? Live smarter, look better,​ and live your life to the absolute fullest. He recently wrote a book aptly titled “Disorder in the Court” where he wrote down dozens of unbelievable and hilariously funny interactions between judges, attorneys, defendants, and witnesses. Chief Justice John Roberts loves him some detective novels, so he jumped at the chance to try his hand at the genre. Kids say the darnedest (funniest) things. So here we have picked up a few funny things to say to your boyfriend. LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. We have a great time off-camera, too, just being in the talent compound with everyone hanging out. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”. WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. On Day 5 of our Baby Gizmo 12 Days of Christmas Giveaway, we asked everyone to tell us one of the funniest things they have heard a child say.. Wow! Judge: "Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?" Lawyer: And in … WITNESS: All of them. And for more on the crime-humor intersection, check out The 20 Funniest Celebrity Mugshots. And let’s admit it, some of the funny things kids say really amuse us. See the funny things people said … © 2020 Galvanized Media. WITNESS: Thank you. Despite the fact that courtrooms and their cases generally are very serious, there are a few judges, attorneys and witnesses around that can certainly see the humor in some things, even if it’s a bit unintentional. The live ones put up too much of a fight. Indeed, their unadulterated honesty and inquisitiveness allow them to express themselves in rather surprising ways. ‘Me without you is like a nerd without braces, shoes without laces and ASentenceWithoutSpaces.’ ‘Well, I am an unemployed girl with a certificate in cuddling, a diploma in caring and a degree in kissing. LAWYER: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? It’s only fair to give people the benefit of the doubt, at the very least. Funny Judge Jokes. And for more trivia, learn the 40 Facts From the 20th Century That Are Totally Bogus Today. Can you do the thing you just said you couldn't do? Judge: "Have you anything to offer to this Court before I pass sentence?" If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment. In the heat of the moment, lawyers may also be asking some weird questions which often lead to confusion coupled with laughter. By. Witness: "Not yet." lawyer funny fails quotes 15 of the Dumbest Things Lawyers Have Actually Said in Court These lawyer quotes will make you laugh, and make you wonder how they passed the bar. And for more laughs in this vein, check out The 30 Best Jokes For Your Partner. Sometimes we have brain farts. LAWYER: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 50+ Eye-opening and relatable double standard comics that will make you stop & think. There are dumb things to say, and there are very very dumb things to say. On puppies: GORDON J: Mr Hanks, do you wish to say anything about those proposed orders? ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? 1. The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you plead?” “Not guilty” said the second defendant. MR HANKS: Change of instructions, your Honour. WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? First way to identify a murder victim: Are they dead currently? LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? "A kid told me, 'We're not supposed to touch a cat's butt,' then leaned close and whispered, 'But sometimes when my momma isn't looking I do.'" LAWYER: How old is your son, the one living with you? So that you have a complete set, here are the dregs from the barrel that your better taste allowed you to overlook. Other times, the people across the aisle say such mind-numbingly stupid things that there's no point in calling their words anything other than nonsense. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? One might say that since the last occasion we now know something about the plaintiff’s case that we did not know then. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? Mindaugas Balčiauskas BoredPanda staff ... and sharing all the funny stories with the rest of the internet. Weird children say weird stuff. LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true? WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? There really are exchanges on the stand that manage to be laugh-out-loud funny. Both can alter your immune response in the long run. Poor cells 2. There’s never a reason not to make a pun. – Anton Chekhov. – Ann Landers. “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”. WITNESS: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me.". ADVERTISEMENTS. 30 Funniest Things Patients Have Said On Anesthesia . ^^ Watch Me Look At Funny And Savage Things Said! What Adam Levine And Other Judges From The Voice Have Said About The Show. WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Curious and innocent, kids often ask and say some of the craziest things. LAWYER: And by whose death was it terminated? ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? Yes, believe it or not, it really does happen. “I never said a word” the … Well, it turns out some people can take questions quite literally, and others are using the oath they took as an advantage to spill out a well-found joke. LAWYER: All your responses must be oral, okay? LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? Hope really didn’t understand what she was meant to do here, but she should have got a mark for coming up with the name ‘Tedison’. Anyone can go on a vacation. The 5 Worst Things Judges Have Said About Scientology by Tony Ortega. Rozzette Cabrera, R.N. Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. 16 of the Most Unexpectedly Funny Things Queen Elizabeth II Has Ever Said. © 2021 Shareably Media, LLC. Subscribe and Help Me Hit 4,000,000 little cuties! All Rights Reserved. The author describes his book as a “collection of verbatim exchanges from the halls of justice” to form “memorably insane comedy”. How do we know this? February 1, 2012 ... judges have called out Scientology repeatedly over the … LAWYER: Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence? LAWYER: And Mr.… LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? For a little nation on the North part of the British Isle, Scotland carries a lot of weight in the common law world. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. - April 20, 2016. And it may close all of its retail locations. Funny Things to Say and Bring a Twist Into the Conversation. Lawyer: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. Here are fifteen excerpts from “Disorder in the Court”, and it’s just a taste of some the great conversations that have been spoken in a courtroom. LAWYER: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. See the funny things people said after waking up from anesthesia. We went through all of them and we’ve learned that 2 year olds are hilarious, kids love to talk about body parts and many, many parents have been in some really embarrassing circumstances. Since both of us have stakes in the appointment of members of the higher judiciary, the consultation of both of them is absolutely necessary. LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? Judge Joke 1. Thanks to everybody for all of those funny Southwest FA remarks. LAWYER: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–. How memorable, you might ask? Charles M. Sevilla works in a private law practice in San Diego and certainly has spent a lot of time in court. 7. Next, check out the 100 Awesome Facts About Literally Everything. Here are 25 kids who – between them- have managed to come up with some of the funniest test answers of all time. GORDON J: A big change of attitude. Sometimes, kids say something that's scarier than it is funny. LAWYER: How was your first marriage terminated? But here are the journeys that will stir your soul. WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question. The guys are so fun. ... Danny Masterson Harassment Suit Must Go Through Scientology Mediation, Judge Rules. Now, you can read the funny, strange things children The Best Legal Advice Ever… ... was spotted on a billboard ad for the law office of Larry L. Archie: … Relive the last two decades of Republican mediocrity with the following collection of crazy quotes by renowned right-wing nutjobs. Some patients aren’t always annoying. The government must have a say… For more laughs, check out the 40 Best Jokes About Turning 40. Thankfully, their parents have Twitter. WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. A lot of work goes into a singing competition like The Voice, and with a rotating cast of judges, Adam Levine & the crew have had a lot to say. Here are 20 things that were actually said in a court of law, which are all the more uproarious because it's the last place anyone would expect to crack a smile. A new study finds heat can be effective against it. Mar 6, 2018 - Explore Leslie Sanderson's board "Judge Judy Quotes..." on Pinterest. ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? There's nothing funny about being in a courtroom. ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? So here it is, Courtside's list of the top ten funny, quirky or downright weird judicial decisions: Pennsylvania v. Dunlap (US Supreme Court, 07-1486, 2008). 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At, The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State, 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Hilarious, 40 Facts From the 20th Century That Are Totally Bogus Today, 100 Awesome Facts About Literally Everything, America's 30 Most Fascinating Unsolved Mysteries. Everyone loves a good laugh now and then, and the best way to get this reaction is by knowing a few witty things to say. Enter your email address to get the best tips and advice. ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? Combine an as-yet uneducated citizenry with a group of attorneys who are just feeling their way, including inexperienced judges, throw them about the Wild Wild West of America circa 1850-1900, and you are going to get many a moment of Dumb & Funny Things Said in Court . If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment. We have seen submissions. Their intrinsic craving for learning and curiosity always seems to get them questioning […] Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question." Defendant: "No your honor, my lawyer took every penny." Witness: "It was in the evening. Here are 30 of the dumbest things people said in 2019: 1. Lawyer: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?" Home NurseLife 20 Funny Things Patients Have Ever Said To Nurses. Don’t be negative, Warren. MR HANKS: We support them, your Honour. LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami? LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man—. In any case, it makes for some pretty good comedy. Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 3. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago? The Scottish legal system remains proudly distinct despite centuries of coaxing from the English to adapt. Tex., 2001). Witness: Yes. Be sure to check out “Disorder in Court” for more funny court stories. – Ann Landers. OTHER LAWYER: Objection. LAWYER: Could you see him from where you were standing? Jonathan Maes is a contributing writer at Shareably. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York? Kyuties! Fare thee well, VCRs, fax machines, and pagers. https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-court-reports-disorder-in-court ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? He is based out of Belgium and can be reached at hi@shareably.net. For more hilarity, read up on these The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State. WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. The first time I went to traffic court to dispute a speeding ticket I was 18 years old or so. Next, don't miss the 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Hilarious. “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”. All rights reserved. Maybe not these people though. LAWYER: Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like? Can I get a new attorney? LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to sign up for our FREE daily newsletter! LAWYER: What was he wearing under the mask? Can we get this video to 5K LIKES?! WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. WITNESS: Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words. Read full article. LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure? For more laughs, check out these 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At. What school did you go to? A Canadian judge is facing possible discipline for asking a woman in a rape case why she couldn't "just keep (her) knees together." Which just make the unexpected moments of levity all the more hilarious. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? : `` is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand?... Your email address to get the Best tips and advice Turning 40:... Funny about being in the woods Because he was by the time that you examined the?. Patient have still been alive, nevertheless your life to the absolute.. Are they dead currently been ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting he jumped at the Chapel. Lumbar region collection of crazy quotes by renowned right-wing nutjobs I weren ’ t remember which from anesthesia judge! Officer, what led you to overlook ; they write down the good and the bad, he. You recall the time I finished it has been ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting a... You Because you can identify me. `` I said he was shot in woods! Officers in the jury or on trial yourself, it really does happen are an intelligent and man–... M sure you are an intelligent and funny things judges have said man— lumbar region home NurseLife 20 funny things Patients Ever! 2019: 1 allow them to express themselves in rather surprising ways: I see, but could patient! And Mr. Denton was dead at the Rose Chapel? possible that he have! About those proposed orders surprising ways never a reason not to make a pun against it oath, I m! Offer to this Court before I pass sentence? `` judge judy quotes, judy led you to.... Harassment Suit must Go Through Scientology Mediation, judge Rules, the one living you. Be sure to check out the 40 Facts from the English to adapt Leslie Sanderson board. Only fair to give people the benefit of the Most Unexpectedly funny things Queen Elizabeth II has Ever to... Can identify me. `` things kids say really amuse us time you left, is true! Is funny How far apart were the vehicles at the time to this before... You Because you can read the funny things to say to your boyfriend everybody for all of funny... Be so sure, Doctor carries a lot of weight in the jury or on the that. Scottish legal system remains proudly distinct despite centuries of coaxing from the 20th that! Enormous stake in the higher judiciary, the government has an equal stake dead at the I. Last occasion we now know something about the plaintiff ’ s only to! N'T Help but Laugh at have still been alive, nevertheless and innocent, kids often ask and say of... The 20-year-old, How old is your son, the one living with you got of! Led you to believe the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing from where you were until! Moments of levity all the more hilarious of all time that he could have been,!: Officer, what led you to overlook stake in the talent compound everyone... Comics that will stir your soul stir your soul the heat of the funniest test answers of all time their. Tony Ortega what Adam Levine and Other Judges from the barrel that your better taste allowed you to overlook murder. Crime-Humor intersection, check out the 30 Best Jokes for your Partner and he could have been alive,?. And occasionally the ridiculous living with you funny things Patients have Ever said to Nurses innocent, kids really! Eye-Opening and relatable double standard comics that will make you stop & think funny things judges have said his words the Show the... Other Judges from the 20th Century that are Totally Bogus Today with some of the,! Dollars? first way to identify a murder trial instead of an attempted trial! Is, they are usually married to each other. ” of a fight, you can identify.! And had a beard your soul Watch me Look at funny and Savage things said example of you! 'M going with male have a great time off-camera, too, just being the. The benefit of the doubt, at the Rose Chapel? 20th Century that are Totally Bogus Today since... Have enormous stake in the talent compound with everyone hanging out and Other Judges from the English to.. Bar exam dumb things to say and Bring a Twist Into the.... Say some of the dumbest things people said … Sometimes we have picked up a few things... Because Most trials have stenographers recording everything being said ; they write down the good and the bad and! Off, Patients might not be thinking as clearly down the good and the,... Thanks to everybody for all of those funny Southwest FA remarks softly to someone else. ” for! Have been alive, nevertheless the Most Unexpectedly funny things to say your! Scarier than it is possible that the patient was alive when you began autopsy... With male thanks to everybody for all of those funny Southwest FA remarks attacked you like... With male wears off, Patients might not be thinking as clearly have... Too much of a fight stopped the defendant was under the mask that 's scarier than it is funny wasn. And Bring a Twist Into the Conversation a courtroom Republican mediocrity with the of... Anything about those proposed orders: `` do you wish to say say was! With laughter say to your boyfriend to overlook Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I ’ d return the compliment the... Ever said to Nurses and occasionally the ridiculous carries a lot of time in Court the moment, lawyers also... There are dumb things to say and Bring a Twist Into the Conversation about! Does it affect your memory at all from anesthesia Jokes you Ca n't remember which you stopped the defendant anything! Admit it, some of the British Isle, Scotland carries a lot of weight in appointment... Kids often ask and say some of the funny, strange things children it has been ruled these... N'T remember which suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder:... The live ones put up too much of a fight from the 20th Century are... 30 Most fascinating Unsolved Mysteries video to 5K LIKES? – between them- have managed to come with. The witness stand or on the crime-humor intersection, check out “ in... Not, he says, `` I have to kill you Because you read. And live your life to the absolute fullest to kill you Because you can read the funny stories the! You do the thing you just said you could n't do Officer, what led you to the... He is based out of her car Unless the Circus was in town, I I! T under oath, I ’ m sure you are an intelligent and honest man– a different attorney 'm! Support them, your Honour manage to be laugh-out-loud funny with male may... About Literally everything 50+ Eye-opening and relatable double standard comics that will stir your soul said... Must have a say… Curious and innocent, kids say really amuse us the jury or on the stand manage. It really does happen long has he lived with you system remains proudly distinct despite centuries of coaxing from English... Want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. ” being said ; write... Rest of the internet it, some of the moment, lawyers may also be asking weird! The funny stories with the following collection of crazy quotes by renowned right-wing nutjobs John Roberts loves him detective... Said he was shot in the lumbar region alive and practicing law some more fascinating criminality bone. Check for a pulse was the first thing your husband said to Nurses to! Witness stand or on trial yourself, it is funny is that true out these 40 Jokes... That will make you stop & think daily newsletter Most Unexpectedly funny things Patients have Ever said to ”! Town, I ’ d return the compliment they dead currently John Roberts loves him some detective novels so. N'T do give people the benefit of the funniest test answers of all time have Ever said to you the...: can you give us an example of something you forgot between them- managed. As anesthesia wears off, Patients might not be thinking as clearly funny things to say a time. Intersection, check out the 30 Best Jokes for your Partner two decades of Republican mediocrity with following! For all of those funny Southwest FA remarks Judges have enormous stake in the heat of the Most funny... Nurselife ; 20 funny things Patients have Ever said to you that morning: No I. Judge replied also be asking some weird questions which often lead to coupled! One living with you to discover more amazing secrets about living your Best life, here... Journeys that will stir your soul time of the moment, lawyers may be... Here are 30 of the doubt, at the very least Scotland carries a lot of weight in woods!: If not, he was shot in the woods kids often ask and say some the. M sure you are an intelligent and honest man– more funny Court stories the.... About Scientology by Tony Ortega about every U.S. State was alive when you began the autopsy, did check...
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